Ultimately, we all want our children to become fully capable individuals that make wise decisions on their own. Everything we do as a parent should lead to this final result.
For most parents, our children are our world. We have a lot invested in them…money, time, memories, and most of all our emotions. Unfortunately, these emotions, paired with our expectations, can actually affect our relationship with our children, especially as they become adults. Of course we want the best for our children regardless of their age, however, we have to acknowledge that once they become adults only they are in charge of their lives and we as parents must respect that.
When our children are born, they need us for everything. We’re free to give advice and direction to our underage children whenever we choose. However, after a child reaches eighteen years of age, the only rights we have in regard to input in that child’s life are the rights that the child gives us.
What if they live in your house? Well, certainly there have to be rules. Chaos should never be tolerated. In respect to your property, you always have the final say. My son just turned nineteen. He lives at home, but there is an understanding. I do not intrude in his life unless he asks my opinion. I do not tell him whom he should date or not date, whom he should have as friends, or what career path he should take. I do, however, have the right to determine who is allowed at home. He can’t just take things as he wishes, nor leave things lying around. The point here is that parents of adult children need to learn that the rules have changed. A continuance of unsolicited intrusion will cause a major disruption of the relationship. Recognize that your child is not a child anymore. They should be free to succeed or fail on their own.
Arriving at this realization is bittersweet because you want to remain “relevant” in your children’s lives, you want to help them make better choices than you did. I suspect that desire will never go away. They will always be your babies. There may even be times when they’ll need a warm hug from Mom or Dad but ultimately, we must let them live their own lives… Nevertheless the fact that you’ve become irrelevant – or more precisely, no longer needed means that you’ve succeeded in your role as a parent.
So now what??
Time to rediscover who we are and how we want to live OUR own lives. That means that as an adult you in turn are free to make your own choices and your adult children must respect said choices. It’s all a bit daunting but exciting all at once. Oh, the possibilities!
Note: The frosting recipe makes enough frosting to frost 32 cupcakes so you can always cut it in half if you don’t want to use the rest as a dip.
Instructions For Cake
Preheat oven to 350
Powder Erythritol in a food processor
Mix all ingredients in a large bowl and mix until well blended
Pour into silicon baking cups and bake for 28 – 30 minutes (until toothpick comes out clean)
Mix all ingredients in a large bowl until light and fluffy.
Baking Tips: The fat and butter in most keto cupcakes will destroy cupcake wrappers and cause any color in them to bleed all over the place. So I recommend that you forgo the wrappers or use silicone baking cups. Silicone baking cups are great because the food doesn’t stick to them, so it’s easy to make beautiful cupcakes every time. You can still use festive wrappers after they have cooled.
Dicen que ya nadie se enamora. Que el último romántico ha muerto y que las flores ya no saben de floreros. Dicen que los besos a ojos cerrados pasaron de moda, que las cartas a puño son muy lentas, que agarrarse de la mano es cosa de viejos. Dicen que abrirle la puerta a una dama, para qué, si hay igualdad de derechos. Dicen que hay que pretender que uno no siente; que si te llaman bien, y si no, también, y si te he amado no lo recuerdo; ¿cómo te llamabas, que no me acuerdo? Dicen que para todo hay que hacer una cita, consultar el calendario, la fecha, el horario, dos cafés sin azúcar y pagamos a medias. Dicen que no hay diferencia entre el amor y el sexo, y que eso de querer con el alma es puro cuento. Dicen que no aman porque les da miedo el amor, y aunque tengan razón, nunca voy a estar de acuerdo. Porque digan lo que digan, aquí estoy yo, escribiéndole al amor. Queriendo, besando, sufriendo, muriendo y resucitando; solo para amar de nuevo. – Brando
Found this quote on Facebook and loved it so much that I decided to attempt to convey the same sentiment by translating it. Here goes:
They say that no one falls in love anymore. That the last romantic has died and that flowers don’t know about vases.
They say that kissing with your eyes closed went out of fashion, that handwritten letters are too tedious and that holding hands is for old people.
They say, about opening the door for a Lady, what for if we have equal rights. They say you must pretend not to feel anything; that if they call great and if they don’t that’s fine too. If I have loved you I don’t remember. What was your name? I don’t recall.
They say you must make an appointment for everything, check the calendar, date and time – two coffees, no sugar and we split the bill in half.
They say there’s no difference between love and sex and that loving with your soul is just a story. They say they don’t love because they are afraid of love yet even if they are right I will never agree with them. Because regardless of what they say, here I am, writing for love; loving, kissing, suffering, dying and reviving just to love again.
Last Thursday I was unexpectedly laid due to “budget cuts” they said. Yet I’m aware that the current political climate within the Union I was employed by is unstable so I am certain that the “budget cuts” excuse is not accurate but I have no way of proving it. So there I was feeling like a pitiful sad-sack of emotions. The thirty minutes it took me to reach the bus stop I alternated between worrying about projects I left behind and sobbing uncontrollably. My friends M, K & R all called to let me vent and reassure me. As did my Sister, my Father, Aunt, and cousins. My Facebook friends all rallied to cheer me up. Even my son’s father called to let me know I can count on him if I need anything. I am loved. My cup runneth over…
So now what?
While I would love to be able to work from home and/or create my own business truthfully I am terrified! How am I going to make ends meet? What bills am I going to have to defer and for how long? I forgot how disorienting, stressful and difficult it can be to be unemployed and without any prospects.
Although I did start updating my resume I mostly gave myself a break over the weekend and allowed myself to mourn the loss. Then early Monday morning I finished updating my resume and scouring the want ands for my next admin gig.
The immediate plan is to use my severance pay (when it finally arrives) to pay rent this month while I search for a new gig. The fear is still there. However, I realize that the layoff is simply the end of one chapter in my life. I have to take this opportunity to build myself back up and find that new beginning for myself and my Son.
The lack of a 9-to-5 also opens up my schedule to market my online Chloe+Isabel jewelry boutique full-time which I really didn’t have time for while I was stuck in the office.
Generally I market my business through social media, holding online events to drive traffic to my boutique. Now that my schedule is completely open I am excited about using this time to have some personal or group styling sessions.
If you haven’t already, please visit my boutique. The jewelry is so versatile, especially the convertible jewelry. Each piece can be worn in a variety of ways for maximum use and value. Plus, all C+I jewelry is hypoallergenic, lead safe, nickel free and comes with a LIFETIME REPLACEMENT GUARANTEE. Yes, I said lifetime!!!
You can find a something that suits your personal style on my boutique:
I did it! I completed my very first 5k and jogged most of the way. YAY ME!!!
The thought of a 5k was intimidating but I wanted to push myself just to see if I could do it. I am supper grateful for the nice lady that kept me company for the entire race – even though she’s an experienced runner and could have easily left me behind.
My intentions were to walk most of it but with her encouragement and in an effort to keep up with her I did a mix of jogging and walking and managed to finish in 58m 30s. Of course other people’s time was better while others took longer to finish the race so I am not concerned about how long it took me to complete the race. The important thing is that I got up on Thanksgiving morning and kept my word. Instead of sleeping on my day off, I rose up at 6am, drove myself to the Turkey Trot and FINISHED the race without quitting even when I felt like throwing in the towel. It took a lot of willpower to keep pushing while my body felt like it was about to collapse but I was proud of myself that I didn’t give in.
While my body certainly took a beating yesterday I am actually thinking about doing another 5k and see how I can improve. I know, me, the gal who hates running is looking forward to another race!!!
00:11 – What is love? It’s a hard term to define in so far as it has a very wide application. I can love jogging. I can love a book, a movie. I can love escalopes. I can love my wife. (Laughter)
00:34 – But there’s a great difference between an escalope and my wife, for instance. That is, if I value the escalope, the escalope, on the other hand, it doesn’t value me back. Whereas my wife, she calls me the star of her life. (Laughter)
00:59 – Therefore, only another desiring conscience can conceive me as a desirable being. I know this, that’s why love can be defined in a more accurate way as the desire of being desired. Hence the eternal problem of love: how to become and remain desirable?
01:21 – The individual used to find an answer to this problem by submitting his life to community rules. You had a specific part to play according to your sex, your age, your social status, and you only had to play your part to be valued and loved by the whole community. Think about the young woman who must remain chaste before marriage. Think about the youngest son who must obey the eldest son, who in turn must obey the patriarch.
01:56 – But a phenomenon started in the 13th century, mainly in the Renaissance, in the West, that caused the biggest identity crisis in the history of humankind. This phenomenon is modernity. We can basically summarize it through a triple process. First, a process of rationalization of scientific research, which has accelerated technical progress. Next, a process of political democratization, which has fostered individual rights. And finally, a process of rationalization of economic production and of trade liberalization.
02:42 – These three intertwined processes have completely annihilated all the traditional bearings of Western societies, with radical consequences for the individual. Now individuals are free to value or disvalue any attitude, any choice, any object. But as a result, they are themselves confronted with this same freedom that others have to value or disvalue them. In other words, my value was once ensured by submitting myself to the traditional authorities. Now it is quoted in the stock exchange.
03:32 – On the free market of individual desires, I negotiate my value every day. Hence the anxiety of contemporary man. He is obsessed: “Am I desirable? How desirable? How many people are going to love me?” And how does he respond to this anxiety? Well, by hysterically collecting symbols of desirability. (Laughter)
04:06 – I call this act of collecting, along with others, seduction capital. Indeed, our consumer society is largely based on seduction capital. It is said about this consumption that our age is materialistic. But it’s not true! We only accumulate objects in order to communicate with other minds. We do it to make them love us, to seduce them. Nothing could be less materialistic, or more sentimental, than a teenager buying brand new jeans and tearing them at the knees, because he wants to please Jennifer. (Laughter) Consumerism is not materialism. It is rather what is swallowed up and sacrificed in the name of the god of love, or rather in the name of seduction capital.
05:03 – In light of this observation on contemporary love, how can we think of love in the years to come? We can envision two hypotheses: The first one consists of betting that this process of narcissistic capitalization will intensify. It is hard to say what shape this intensification will take, because it largely depends on social and technical innovations, which are by definition difficult to predict. But we can, for instance, imagine a dating website which, a bit like those loyalty points programs, uses seduction capital points that vary according to my age, my height/weight ratio, my degree, my salary, or the number of clicks on my profile. We can also imagine a chemical treatment for breakups that weakens the feelings of attachment.
06:11 – By the way, there’s a program on MTV already in which seduction teachers treat heartache as a disease. These teachers call themselves “pick-up artists.” “Artist” in French is easy, it means “artiste.” “Pick-up” is to pick someone up, but not just any picking up — it’s picking up chicks. So they are artists of picking up chicks. (Laughter) And they call heartache “one-itis.” In English, “itis” is a suffix that signifies infection. One-itis can be translated as “an infection from one.” It’s a bit disgusting. Indeed, for the pick-up artists, falling in love with someone is a waste of time, it’s squandering your seduction capital, so it must be eliminated like a disease, like an infection. We can also envision a romantic use of the genome. Everyone would carry it around and present it like a business card to verify if seduction can progress to reproduction. (Laughter)
07:33 – Of course, this race for seduction, like every fierce competition, will create huge disparities in narcissistic satisfaction, and therefore a lot of loneliness and frustration too. So we can expect that modernity itself, which is the origin of seduction capital, would be called into question. I’m thinking particularly of the reaction of neo-fascist or religious communes. But such a future doesn’t have to be.
08:09 – Another path to thinking about love may be possible. But how? How to renounce the hysterical need to be valued? Well, by becoming aware of my uselessness. (Laughter) Yes, I’m useless. But rest assured: so are you. (Laughter) (Applause)
08:40 – We are all useless. This uselessness is easily demonstrated, because in order to be valued I need another to desire me, which shows that I do not have any value of my own. I don’t have any inherent value. We all pretend to have an idol; we all pretend to be an idol for someone else, but actually we are all impostors, a bit like a man on the street who appears totally cool and indifferent, while he has actually anticipated and calculated so that all eyes are on him.
09:20- I think that becoming aware of this general imposture that concerns all of us would ease our love relationships. It is because I want to be loved from head to toe, justified in my every choice, that the seduction hysteria exists. And therefore I want to seem perfect so that another can love me. I want them to be perfect so that I can be reassured of my value. It leads to couples obsessed with performance who will break up, just like that, at the slightest underachievement.
09:53 – In contrast to this attitude, I call upon tenderness — love as tenderness. What is tenderness? To be tender is to accept the loved one’s weaknesses. It’s not about becoming a sad couple of orderlies. (Laughter) That’s pretty bad. On the contrary, there’s plenty of charm and happiness in tenderness. I refer specifically to a kind of humor that is unfortunately underused. It is a sort of poetry of deliberate awkwardness.
10:23 – I refer to self-mockery. For a couple who is no longer sustained, supported by the constraints of tradition, I believe that self-mockery is one of the best means for the relationship to endure.