Breaking up is hard to do — and for good reason. The emotional pain of a split can last for years, and if you have mutual friends, children or live in the same area, those lasting wounds can be opened time and time again.
It took me the better part of four years to finally be emotionally free of my first and last serious boyfriend/partner. For many reasons – not least the fact that he left me for someone else – the split was messy and hard and nasty. Actually, if we didn’t have a child together I would have lost contact with him a long time ago.
The nastiness of our break-up aside, I knew that as the father of my son I would have to make concessions about this man. It hasn’t been easy or fun yet over the years we’ve managed to maintain a tolerable relationship. I’ve chosen the “Kill him with kindness” approach, I pick my battles, and generally keep my opinions to myself; because despite our failed relationship, we must remain thoughtful and courteous to each other for the sake of our son – though there are times when that doesn’t quite happen.
Now that our son has entered his teenage years and favors socializing with friends over weekends with his father, I rarely need to interact with the man; which suits me perfectly.
In an incredible twist of fate this man whom I shared my life, my home, my bed, broke my heart and fathered my only biological child, is now my BOSS.
Yes, that brand-spanking-new job I started last Monday.
Yes, I was aware when he offered me the job that I would be reporting to him directly.
Yes, it IS a bit awkward.
While the thought of him can sometimes still make your skin crawl, however, somehow I must remain objective and professional. My first week on the job was quiet and productive. I’d say, that’s a pretty darn good start.
On many of the blogs I’ve been reading lately authors talk about the many situations they are going through, how trying these are and how incredibly stressed their lives have become – myself included. We each have our particular way letting off steam: knitting, writing, crafting, reading, participating in one or several fandom activities…
Life is hard and complicated enough without others judging how one chooses to let off steam. I think that when we live and let live, we don’t have the need to criticize, judge, or condemn others. Each of us is dealing with our own set of situations – some severe, some not so much yet all are struggles for each of us individually. So why not let others live their own lives and we live ours in the best way we know how.
In the meantime, let’s enjoy this lovely cake, perhaps with a side of chocolate ice cream! When in doubt, chocolate is always the answer!
If you haven’t watched this gem of a film you should add it to your Netflix queue and watch it sometime this weekend. Director Craig Gillespie does an amazing job of directing the scenes and actors in such a way that many sequences which, on paper, would seem completely perverse or even grotesque, come across as heart warming and endearing. The actors where brilliant, especially Ryan Gosling.
My favorite part of the film is an exchange between Lars, the main character and his brother. It goes like this:
Lars Lindstrom: I was talking to Bianca, and she was saying that in her culture they have these rites of passages and rituals and ceremonies, and, just all kinds of things that, when you do them, go through them, let you know that you’re an adult? Doesn’t that sound great?
Gus: It does.
Lars Lindstrom: How’d you know?
Gus: How’d I know what?
Lars Lindstrom: That you were a man.
Gus: Ahhh. I couldn’t tell ya.
Lars Lindstrom: Was it… okay, was it sex?
Gus: Um. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s uh, yeah, yeah it’s kind of – it’s uh – no. Well, it’s kind of sex but it’s not uh, you know? I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s – uh – good question, good question.
Lars Lindstrom: Yeah, but I have to know
Gus: [dryer buzzes] Hold that thought.
Gus: [in basement] You know, you should ask Dagmar
Lars Lindstrom: I did ask Dagmar. And she said that I should ask you.
Gus: Okay, you know I can only give you my opinion.
Lars Lindstrom: That’s what we want.
Wait for it here it comes, that bit of wisdom tucked in the words of a character in a movie…
Gus: Well, it’s not like you’re one thing or the other, okay? There’s still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what’s right for you, what’s right for everybody, even when it hurts.
Lars Lindstrom: Okay, like what?
Gus: Like, you know, like, you don’t jerk people around, you know, and you don’t cheat on your woman, and you take care of your family, you know, and you admit when you’re wrong, or you try to, anyways. That’s all I can think of, you know – it sound like it’s easy and for some reason it’s not.
As most of you know I’ve been wrestling with the decision of whether to go back to work or remaining as Niece and Nephews Nanny for the remainder of the school year. Well, I got the job! I’m supposed to start on Monday.
Now just to be clear, I am NOT making life choices based on “movie wisdom” but these words keep going ’round and ’round in my head: “There’s still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what’s right for you, what’s right for everybody, even when it hurts.”