Emotional Tug of War


It is my belief that the Lord always gives me what I need, exactly when I need it.  My current gig is in exchange for room and board which means I that I have to find alternative ways of making money.   Sometimes I edit business plans, other times I translate and record answering service scripts for businesses and occasionally Dad gives me a few bucks to do his laundry.  Recently, out of nowhere, I was offered the opportunity to work part-time as an Human Resources Administrator.

It seems that every time that I start getting comfortable being a stay at home mom/auntie I get a job offer that changes everything.   In 2011, I was caring for Nephew and starting a little routine for him when I got the opportunity to work in Property Management .  Worst job ever, yet I kept at it for a 13 months.   After that job ended I started caring for Niece and Nephew together for a few months until Nephew began preschool.   Later the routine included taking him to school while I cleaned the house, did the laundry, bought groceries, and other housewife-y chores while caring for Niece.  As a bonus I also got to pick up my teenage son from school and spend some time with him.  I also get to blog, surf the internet, focus on my health plus as a bonus I’ve been gifted an iPhone and a Kindle as gratitude for my efforts.  Watching Niece develop from a small, squirmy, whiny newborn into a bright and beautifully expressive 7 month-old has been an amazing experience.   We’ve developed a truly special bond.  She’s such a fun, happy baby!  All awesomely wonderful things.

On the other hand,  this isn’t my house and these are not my children.  

The Kiddoes
The Kiddoes

Son and I have everything we NEED here but I know this is not going to last forever.  In the meantime, I’m off the workforce, my skills and talents are not being used, I have little privacy, Brother and  Sister-in-law have little privacy.  I’ve witnessed more than I’ve ever wanted to witness or be a part of in their their relationship.  Their marriage is like a ticking time bomb that could implode at any moment.  Their business is also suffering.  Customers are unhappy and at least one of them is contemplating a civil suit.  Staying home to care for the kids helps them out but what happens to Son and I when/if they separate and/or the business goes bankrupt?   I love my family yet all things considered my first priority is to my son.  So, I’ve accepted the offer and submitted my application.  If all goes well I’ll have a paying job by the end of this week.

I feel so guilty though….going back to work means that the kid’s routine will be totally altered.  There is so much strife in their short lives already that I fear taking away what little stability they have will have a lasting negative impact on them.  There has to be a balance between what my family needs from me and what I need for myself and my son…

Mother & Son Selfie
Mother & Son Selfie



A friend of mine whose bread and butter is creating business plans for companies asked me to help her edit for her.  I jumped at the chance.  Sounds so easy but now that I’m actually looking at the thing it’s suddenly looks like gibberish.   BLECH!!!

If I read the business plan she sent me, which she said was started already, I understand what the company is about; same for the company’s framework (where they tell me all about them).  The things is that each of these 23 – page long documents do not seem to be about the same company…..maybe she sent me the wrong documents….I’m so confused but instead of calling her to get clarification like a rational person I’ve just thrown my hands up in the air and have now spent two hours going through my wordpress reader, following links here and there, checking my email, got lost on tumblr, had some tea, and spend an exorbitant amount of time looking at pictures of Richard Armitage….sigh….

According to the “You are not so smart” blog, procrastination is fueled by weakness in the face of impulse and a failure to think about thinking. Weakness….hmm….am I weak?  Perhaps, I am….sigh…..  oooohhhh doesn’t Richard look incredible in this picture?



A Man In His Prime

A Man In His Prime

A Man In His Prime

Like Guylty said in her emergency ficlet at me + richard armitage, Richard Armitage is TRULY a man in his prime.

Exhibit A: Richard at the BAFTA LA TV Tea 2013


I’ve been gone all weekend so it was such a lovely surprise to see these picture circulating online.   He looks so incredibly handsome that my words cannot give him any justice so I won’t even try.  I’ll let his picture do the talking….

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay,  caliente!!!!!

Life IS Hard

This is the perfect song for the soundtrack of my life (or even the current state of the world)…. Perhaps it’s the hormone’s speaking or the fact that I just re-watched this incredible video and again I am moved to tears….like the songs says I just feel the pain of the whole wide world and I want to help but can’t help the feeling that I cannot  or can’t do enough to help and it’s killing me while I’m just trying to stay positive and “smile from within”

Life is beauty through and through
Life is sunny, life is cool
Life is even easy too
But if my word is to be true
Life is something to behold
But if the truth is to be told
Let us not leave out any part
Do not fear, it’s safe to say it here
You will not be called a weakling
Nor a fraud
For feeling the pain of the whole wide world
You want to help but can’t help the feeling you cannot
And it’s killing you while you’re just trying to smile from your heart
So go on, say it, on the same knees you’re praying
Yes, life is hard

Come celebrate
Life is hard
Come celebrate Life is hard
All life is all we are

Celebrate it in the sun
Promenade it with everyone
Elevate it in a song
And I’ll be there to play it, don’t get me wrong
When I feel like dying and being gone
When life is hard
There’s just one thing, let’s not forget
Yes! Life is it!

Life is it, life is it, it’s where it’s at
It’s getting skinny, getting fat
It’s falling deep into a love,
It’s getting crushed just like abut
Life there’s no love, it’s getting beat into the ground
It’s getting lost and getting found,
To growing up and getting round
It’s feeling silence, feeling sound
It’s feeling lonely, feeling full
It’s feeling oh so beautiful!


All life is all we are

The Devil, Society & You

Listen to this 1965 radio recording of Paul Harvey:

If I were the devil . . .

I would gain control of the most powerful nation in the world;

I would delude their minds into thinking that they had come from man’s effort, instead of God’s blessings;

I would promote an attitude of loving things and using people, instead of the other way around;

I would dupe entire states into relying on gambling for their state revenue;

I would convince people that character is not an issue when it comes to leadership;

I would make it legal to take the life of unborn babies;

I would make it socially acceptable to take one’s own life, and invent machines to make it convenient;

I would cheapen human life as much as possible so that the life of animals are valued more than human beings;

I would take God out of the schools, where even the mention of His name was grounds for a lawsuit;

I would come up with drugs that sedate the mind and target the young, and I would get sports heroes to advertise them;

I would get control of the media, so that every night I could pollute the mind of every family member for my agenda; I would attack the family, the backbone of any nation.

I would make divorce acceptable and easy, even fashionable. If the family crumbles, so does the nation;

I would compel people to express their most depraved fantasies on canvas and movie screens, and I would call it art;

I would convince the world that people are born homosexuals, and that their lifestyles should be accepted and marveled;

I would convince the people that right and wrong are determined by a few who call themselves authorities and refer to their agenda as politically correct;

I would persuade people that the church is irrelevant and out of date, and the Bible is for the naïve;

I would dull the minds of Christians, and make them believe that prayer is not important, and that faithfulness and obedience are optional; I guess I would leave things pretty much the way they are.


Harsh words, hard to swallow even.  Now before you go getting your panties in a bunch, let me just say that I am in no position to judge anyone, how a people chose to live their lives, what they believe, what they’ve done or haven’t done is between them and their conscience.  One’s relationship with God is very personal.  Only He can guide, judge, forgive a person.  I, on the other hand, am far from being free of sin and most certainly am not in a position to be casting any stones.  That said, whether you are religious, spiritual, non-practicing believer, agnostic or whatever you prefer to call yourself, listen to this recording, truly listen and weigh Mr. Harvey’s words.   Consider the state of our society today in contrast to what it was in 1965.   Wherever we look these days there are signs of deep decay within our society.

It is easy to point a finger at a particular group or political party and blame them for all the problems within our society/community/country, but the reality of the matter is that our societal decay cuts across all income levels, all political affiliations and all regions of the United States.  This decay can be seen on the streets of the most dilapidated sections of major U.S. cities to the halls of power in Washington D.C. and on Wall Street.  It is undeniable that something has fundamentally changed.

Perhaps this decay is because people do not seem to possess the same level of character that they once had.  Perhaps the fact that most people only truly believe in themselves and lost their faith in God….  There is so much to ponder…so much to consider….   I don’t have the answers to fix society, but I know we have to start somewhere.   We can only truly be responsible for our own actions – for ourselves.  I chose to put my faith in God, in letting Him guide my life personally and as a parent because every time I’ve done things without Him I screw up royally.   With His help I to hope to raise my baby boy into a responsible young man of character.  Quite a task in this society……quite a task indeed.

Memories: My Earliest Memory

Memories: My Earliest Memory

My earliest memory is forever linked with a clown bottle filled with strawberry quick – you know, the kind that came in a tin can.

Etched in my memory. (x)
a drink I used to love
a drink I used to love (x)

I vaguely remember Dad carrying me from my bedroom into the kitchen placed on the floor as I drank strawberry milk from my clown faced bottle.   As he set me down I could see Mom busy in the kitchen.  The drink was about to run out so I walked to Mom, pulled at her skirt and handed her the bottle.

 “Más?”, she asked. 

I nodded.

Mom took the bottle, rinsed it, and put it on the kitchen counter.  She opened the cupboard and took out a small tin can.  I smiled and clapped as I watched her take a spoonful of pink powder from the tin can and mix it with some milk in a cup, then pour it into my bottle.  As she handed me back the bottle, she smiled and said, “Ya mero vas a estar muy grande para tomar teta.” (Translation: “You’re getting too big, it’s almost time for you to stop drinking out of a bottle.”  The smile on my face vanished momentarily but returned as soon the bottle was back in my hands.

Years later while reminiscing with Mom I told her about this memory.   She couldn’t believe how much I remembered!  She confirmed that I did have a clown faced bottle in which she served me strawberry milk and that I was about two years old when this happened.  Apparently this is the exact moment she decided to wean me off the bottle and that was one of the last times she let me drink out of a bottle.  Perhaps that’s why I don’t remember drinking a bottle again; in fact I can’t stand the taste of strawberry milk!!!  However, to this very day the smell of strawberry quick transports me back into that moment as if it were happening before my very eyes.

A Role You Would Love To See Him In

A Role You Would Love To See Him In

Since I’ve arrived rather late to RA Party it’s rather hard to pick something original….

Other people’s picks for this have been, of course, Richard III which would be a dream come true for Richard; some have commented that they would like to see him play Raskolnikov in Crime and Punishment; or even the role of Fitzwilliam Darcy from Sally Smith O’Rourke’s novel The Man Who Loved Jane Austen (not Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice); and of course there’s the Discovery of Witches camp whom make a compelling case for Richard to play the vampire Matthew Clairmont:

Matthew Clairmont. Brilliant Scientist. Valiant Warrior. Broken Man. His identities span the breadth of history from a knight on the battlefields of the Crusades and a spy immersed in the intrigue of Elizabeth I’s court to modern day Oxford Professor of genetics and Auvergne country gentleman. A Prince of France with a poet’s heart, Matthew Clairmont is a relentless killer crippled by remorse. A character whose emotional depth and complexity encompasses love, loss, and self doubt, he is driven by a determination to come to terms with his predatory nature and make a difference.

Richard Armitage, a dynamic, talented and dedicated actor, has the skill and insight to bring this nuanced immortal to life on the screen. It is not only his uncanny physical resemblance to the character description, but his ability to inhabit the grey area of a character’s morality with conviction and empathy that will bring Matthew Clairmont, a mythical creature, to the screen in a realistic and thought provoking manner. He is the only choice for this role. Richard Armitage is the embodiment of Matthew Clairmont.

Armitage as Clairmont
Armitage as Clairmont?

All these picks sound TRULY amazing!!!!!  Frankly, I’d go see him in ANYTHING he decided to do – REALLY anything!

However, (as if you haven’t noticed already) because I am a romantic sap, I’d like to quote MsGigglepants here (no offense MsGigglepants):

Perhaps a lighthearted, fun role where he “woos someone in a sexylicious way, without any evil undertones”

Is that too much to ask?  Like MsGigglepants I’d like to see him get the girl and live happily ever after.  Could it be that I want him to get this girl (meaning me) and live happily ever after with her (again, me)?  Hmm…something for further consideration in future.

Whatever he decides to do, I wish he would just tell us already so we can start we the fantasizing already!!!  Please, Sir, we’d like a hint, we really don’t need much to get our vivid imaginations going…. 😉

I could just melt!!!
He’d make a perfect Fitzwilliam Darcy . (click for a sweet story on O’Rourke’s The Man Who Loved Jane Austen.)